I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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