I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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