I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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