Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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