Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
