I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My ass is underappreciated
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
