you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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