Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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