Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.