this beer tastes like vomit already
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later