ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"