Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.

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(513): I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim. http://tfl.nu/b9e4

Replies (15) Good night (5495) Bad night (903)
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(513): View more from Ohio

What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.

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(513): What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore. http://tfl.nu/f43s

Replies (11) Good night (1944) Bad night (4188)
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(305): View more from Florida

I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.

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(305): I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry. http://tfl.nu/el5m

Replies (65) Good night (1070) Bad night (4616)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.

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(609): I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk. http://tfl.nu/79zz

Replies (70) Good night (5699) Bad night (772)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?

(1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit

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(412): How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body? (1-412): Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit http://tfl.nu/2oue

Replies (51) Good night (2402) Bad night (13959)
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(708): View more from Illinois

We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now

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(708): We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now http://tfl.nu/mm02

Replies (21) Good night (7175) Bad night (1050)
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(972): View more from Texas

I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed

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(972): I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed http://tfl.nu/xlf6

Replies (8) Good night (3844) Bad night (1107)
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(253): View more from Washington

The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid

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(253): The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid http://tfl.nu/62ef

Replies (23) Good night (4633) Bad night (1478)
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(940): View more from Texas

Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.

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(940): Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America. http://tfl.nu/rtd9

Replies (13) Good night (4162) Bad night (838)
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(845): View more from New York

Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands

(845): View more from New York

i made a dollar

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(845): Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands (845): i made a dollar http://tfl.nu/0t5e

Replies (7) Good night (3787) Bad night (1446)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?

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(248): Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain? http://tfl.nu/gohm

Replies (10) Good night (2589) Bad night (1136)
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(740): View more from Ohio

Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.

(740): View more from Ohio

Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.

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(740): Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint. (740): Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint. http://tfl.nu/vk5s

Replies (22) Good night (911) Bad night (5552)
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(+86): View more from China

Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.

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(+86): Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs. http://tfl.nu/vpgv

Replies (4) Good night (679) Bad night (360)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with

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(609): this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with http://tfl.nu/msu7

Replies (0) Good night (408) Bad night (467)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

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(401): Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. http://tfl.nu/awxp

Replies (1) Good night (351) Bad night (672)

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