we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
