i may or may not be watching the land before time
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
