Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize