Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
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I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
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I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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