dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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