Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
