lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
