Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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