I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
how do you play pong handcuffed?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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