Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
