I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
