If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
