It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
