It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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