Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
