I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
