Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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