Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
