How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
