hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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