evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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