just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
