I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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