i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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