I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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