Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
