My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
