TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
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Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
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I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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