she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
