After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
