i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
