he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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