Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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