So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
