she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
