we have officially mastered the walk of shame
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
