sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
