tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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