You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
