I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
