This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
