Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
someone owes me an orgasm
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
