Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
