life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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