Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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