I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
