I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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