I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm having to shit out rocks
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
