I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
