didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
