Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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