and i looked up. we had an audience...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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