Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
