When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
