Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
