how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
