She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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